If you follow me on social media, you've probably seen me post tons of pictures and selfies. Sometimes, I probably look pretty self-centered. I can assure you that's not the case at all.
I have hated myself the majority of my life. I've never been comfortable with who I am. I've constantly struggled with self-image. I spent my teenage years battling an eating disorder, which I've written about in the past.
I'm done being "that" version of myself. When I started my journey last December, I was disgusted with the person I had become, both mentally and physically. I barely slept, I ate anything and everything I wanted to eat, whenever I wanted to eat it. I looked in the mirror and wished I could be someone else with someone else's body. I wished I could be happy and feel good about myself. I wished I could stop feeling so depressed all the time. I wished I cared about the things important in my life. There were days I didn't want to get out of bed because I couldn't stand the thought of facing another day living the way I was.
One day, I woke up and I decided enough was enough. I went to work and the Musclemania Colorado team was recording a segment for the new year. I saw their confidence immediately. Their positive attitudes were a light and I was instantly drawn to them. After the segment recording, I spoke with Tiffany, explaining how I would love to compete. She didn't hesitate at the thought of taking on the task of helping me get ready for the stage. She encouraged me, inspired me and motivated me to get my mind and body healthy again.
So why do I post so many pictures of myself? Well, for one, posting pictures helps me stay accountable and see my progress along the way. I don't post the pictures to seek attention or gain approval, I do it to inspire change in other's who might be feeling the way I once did. Sometimes all it takes is one person to help change everything. One person really can make a difference in this world.
Every time I look at my before and after picture, I realize how far I've come on my new journey. Not just my physical appearance, but my mental health. I feel inspired to keep going and keep fighting. I have gained a new confidence and hope for life that I once thought was never possible.
Does posting pictures of myself in a bikini make me feel better about myself? Actually, it does the opposite. I cringe every time I think about someone looking at me in a bikini. I do it for the messages that say "hey, thanks for posting, you have inspired me to change my life."
Getting healthy doesn't mean you have to put on a bikini and step on stage. For me, it was a really exciting goal to work toward on my journey. Plus, I'm a super competitive person and I like to push my limits. Someone once told me that pressure creates diamonds. So here I am, working on becoming a diamond.